Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
