and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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