The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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