You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
