Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
