You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
