Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
