i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
