sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
