Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
His hands were made for my vagina.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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