Already got asked if we're dating
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
