so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
