just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
