Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
