We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
and she was petting her beer can
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize