Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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