There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
