theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
