If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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