I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
