I'm lost and stupid without you.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
