i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
