You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
