so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Everyone says I win the strip club
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
