Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
pray to the hookup gods
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
