some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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