i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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