I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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