he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
