i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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