i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
