She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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