If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
