yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
