I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
