Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
