I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
