Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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