the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
