Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
