Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
