First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
