please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
