3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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