Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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