Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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