Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
