Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
