then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize