you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
