Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
