Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
