Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
