I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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