Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
