people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
