i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
