She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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