Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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