It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
