.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
