Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
one two three fourrrrnication!
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
