At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
