There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
