I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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