Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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