just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
