you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
