No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
