Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
