What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize