I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
