This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
should my penis look like a turkey
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
