If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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