I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
