Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
