how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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