Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize