Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Randomize
