I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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