I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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