It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
