i wish there were pregnant emoticons
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
