ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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