everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize