he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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