i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
