walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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