The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
