also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
