Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
