Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
